Immigration

Today I had to do my immigrant registration. Although I have my Visa, Korea mandates that all foreigners get an alien registration card if the stay is over 90 days. No pictures, because if you truly care about what foreign bureaucratic offices look like, then you need to take a long look in the mirror and get a new hobby.

My friends who had done immigration said it took 6 hours when they got there at 8, and I wasn't about to waste 6 hours of prime daylight and meal times, so I took the Doug Lyons (Hi Pop) approach of beating rush hour and the crowds. If I caught the first train there would not only be seating, but I would have ample time to stake my claim as the first person in line and be in and out extremely quickly. The doors to the office did not open until 9:00 AM, but if people are willing to camp for a week outside of stores for Black Friday, I figured I could wait a few hours to prevent my deportation. So my day started at 4:00 AM. And let me tell you, it was a memorable trip for all the wrong reasons.

I made my way down to Anam to get the only thing that could brighten such a bleak morning: McDonald's breakfast. They have some unique breakfast sandwiches like the McBLT and the Chicken Cheese McMuffin, but I went with the classic Egg McMuffin combo. The hash-browns are delicious, and if think otherwise I will report you to HUAC (Look it up). I also chose McDonalds because I truthfully have no idea what Koreans eat for breakfast. I've seen people eat Kimbap and bagels, soup and yogurt. It runs the gambit, but I just can't establish what traditional Korean breakfast is. I just wanted something to set the right tone for a solid day of paperwork and waiting. Now that I had some hot coffee in my stomach and some Mc eggs, I was ready to hit the subway.

Now the train opened at 5:00AM, so I got to the subwayat 4:55 so I could be first. I was. The guys opening the gate must have thought I was crazy.  But no, I was on a mission to 안국. I sat down in the station and watched as they tested the subway doors and the safety doors for the station and train. The doors opened and I set up with my Kindle and prepared myself mentally to really enjoy this e-book. Luckily I brought a lot of books about America in Asia, so I could read about the greatest country on earth while simultaneously feeling like I was getting educated. 


I walked through the subway station, and as I exited it was still dark out. WOOOOOOOO! Being a responsible adult is so cool, the sun doesn't even warm you. But it was actually pretty cold out. The immigration office is about a block from the station, and it's in one of these bizarre Korean style buildings with like 22 different small shops in it. It's also 24 hour, which is cool. I walked upstairs, looked around and sat down. It was just me and the cleaning crew. I was SmittyWerbenJaegerManJensen: I was number 1.  

I got to the office around 6:05AM and continued reading. Man, Douglas MacArthur was an interesting dude. The place smelled exactly like my dentist's office, which was really weird. It triggered one of those smell memory things and all I could think of was talking baseball and football with my dentist. Then a Korean lady started mopping the floor in front of me and wham, back to Seoul. 

The next person came in at about 6:30. We acknowledged each other's presence and shared a mutual agreement that this day was gonna blow goats no matter what. I could tell he was Chinese student because his book was in Chinese characters and he was wearing a university jacket. I'm no linguist, so I'm going to refer to all Chinese dialects as Chinese for simplicity's sake. More and more people started showing up, most of whom were Chinese. I can identify Japanese and Korean fairly well, and the Chinese student next to me was communicating with the other people, hence my conclusion. When the crowd was just starting to get big , this guy started speaking Korean to us. Some spoke Korean  but most didn't so his words were largely wasted. I just kept my head down and kept on reading. Then he spoke in very good Chinese. All the others with me respond. Then broken English "wait outside" with a lot of gesturing. He shepherded  myself, the Chinese student and another guy out into the stairwell and just left us there. The Chinese student and I shared a confused look and then stepped into the hall again because clearly this wasn't where the line was. The Chinese student asked him why we were waiting outside, and the man responded with something I assume was unsavory because all the Chinese people in line started losing their shit and yelling at this guy. Douglas MacArthur's WWI career was never so interesting. I was trying really hard to keep my head down. The Korean guy started getting more animated and aggressive. Then the offensive hand gestures started getting thrown around by the Chinese people. The Korean guy walks away, gets his bigass trashcan and goes to the elevator. This guy was a custodian just trying to mess with us. The Chinese guy tells me "You were first" and points for me to go back to where I was. Unfortunately, four people had lined up where I was so I was now fifth. I figured one verbal altercation was enough, so I let it be. They were older guys anyway, I could stand longer and figured they had better things to go do today, so I wasn't too pissed. Then the Korean custodian came back and started yelling again, The first words out of the Chinese student's mouth were, "肏你妈" or  "Fuck your mother" in English. That is the only Chinese phrase I know. I immediately started laughing my ass off. The rest of the line joined in the chorus until the janitor left.

Clearly what had happened was no misunderstanding. Somebody was trying to give immigrants a hassle and intentionally make their day worse just because they're foreign. It's a good thing stuff like this doesn't happen in America. Wait... White male's back in the USA aren't on the receiving end of racism too often, and this was the first time it happened to me. Prejudice and discrimination just got brought to a whole different light today. I mean yeah, no shit racism, is awful, and we've all known this for years. Having it happen to you is a whole different story. This is my first real "Whoa man, studying abroad is like SO, mind opening" experience. I don't know how to properly verbalize how stupid, shallow, and idiotic I feel for not having a deeper knowledge of the extent of racism until now, but yeah, I do. I'm just kind of disappointed in myself that the first really significant experience which I seriously reflect upon is one where I realize I'm no longer the ruling caste so-to-speak. That sounds pretty despicable in writing, but it's the unfortunate truth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go up to a 1950s civil rights activist and say, "Hey, I know what it was like getting hosed and attacked by dogs just so I could eat lunch with everybody else, I too was inconvenienced" but I damn sure am going to reevaluate the things I do and say to others. Ok, my PSA is over.


By the end of those 2 spectacular displays of city life, it was only 7:20.The line had easily grown to about 100 people by then, and we had another hour and 40 minutes left to go before the gates busted open. Waking up at the ass crack of dawn no longer seemed so shitty, I had a very good spot in line and it seemed that the only remaining hurdle was the waiting. I was wrong. Dead wrong. 

My first glimpse at cheating was a classic move: The Chat and Cut. A group of students ran into someone they knew and began engaging in some lighthearted conversation. Then they started inching closer. And closer. And closer. Until they were in line right there. It was well executed dick move. I'll give them that. But poor practice on the part of the people watching this happen. Foolishly, I did not expect the second instance of cheating until it was far too late. 

It was about 8:00 and waves and waves of people had come out of the elevator, looked at the line, gasped or whined at a boyfriend, and proceeded to take the long walk to the back. Except for these 4 women who have a special place in hell reserved for them. These women are the worst humanity has to offer; blatant line cutters. Their lack of shame is worse than my lack of knowledge of multivariable calculus, and that's saying something. I wholeheartedly hope they stub their toes, knock the nail into the skin, create a cut that they leave untreated, get a MRSA infection, and lose their whole foot. That's how furious I was that these vultures.  They all massed on that bench just waiting for the doors to open. And open they did. And those four women rushed that door as fast as they could. The flood of Chinese curses erupted yet again, this time from REALLY far back in the line too. I gave them the dirtiest look I possibly could and said "Are you kidding me?" One of them, the older woman, had the nerve to look back at me and give me a "Sucks to suck" smile. This perfectly captures how I felt. The clerk blocking the door was giving instructions on how to get tickets, but I was still too busy being furious. To pay attention to them. He moved out of the way and all four of these women inched in front of me. I was given ticket number 14. I had been awake for 5 hours, and this was all I had to show for it. Ticket.14. 

I got called, handed in my papers, and got fingerprinted. Thank God I'm done with this forsaken place. Just kidding, I have to go back in 2 weeks to pick up the card.