Dudes

As an American guy (I still feel strange calling myself a man. I'm 19. I don't have a car, my own apartment, bills to pay, nor a job), it is interesting to look at male culture in Korea. There are some similarities, but the differences outnumber the similarities. Also, the similarities are highly Koreanized versions of things overall, it's nothing shocking, just really different.

Ok, let's start with KU's gender breakdown. KU is only 38% female. I don't want to talk about the percentage in the engineering school, ESPECIALLY in mechanical engineering. It's so bad that when I told my Korean friend that GW is almost 50-50 guys girls, he just sighed and said, "Paradise." Yeah, it's like South Pacific over here, except there are indeed dames. Dames with boyfriends, which is almost worse than entire lack of women. The odds for the individual guy are low, but the girls have the pick of the litter. There are 5 girls in my 62 person Thermo class, and 4 of them are conservative Muslim. So that's effectively 1 girl with 57 candidates to choose from. That would be long season of The Korean Batchelorette, but I bet the audience would learn a lot about heat transfer (Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!) However, there is a balancing factor to the inequality: a nearby women's university. I have yet to go out in that neighborhood at night, but I sincerely hope that it's like the scene in Animal House when they go to pick up Fawn from her dorm. Again, if you don't get that reference, step out of the mine shaft you grew up in, and be a real movie watching American.

Ok, back to male culture. Most of you already know this, but Korea has mandatory military service. If one is medically restricted, they work for the state doing clerical work, bureaucratic jobs or other things. For the most part, Korean men serve about 2 years in the military. This means about half of my classmates are 2 years older than me. Unlike America, not everyone is as, "High Speed" as my ROTC friends would put it, as I expected them to be. I mean yeah, pretty much anyone who's been in uniform can drink with the best of em, regardless of nationality, but they aren't as macho or as militarily mannered as their American counterparts. No tattoos with the RoK Marine emblem, no permanent dog tag tattoos, no veteran hats like some Americans wear. I guess when everybody's done it nobody really notices. However, some things are the same. According to one of my professors, her husband still tells stories of on base antics and tales of training with his fellow soldiers. Hell, I was out drinking and saw 5 of the single rowdiest men I have seen in my entire life. They were at least 70. They were pounding pitchers and chain smoking in a restaurant where smoking was CLEARLY prohibited. Two of them started screaming at each other, then stopped, stood up, saluted, said some stuff in Korea, and then screamed "MARINES!" The pride may not be trumpeted to the public, but your brothers will always be your brothers; it doesn't matter if other people know. This may explain why some of my classmates at KU aren't the same as my ROTC classmates back at GW, but I really don't know. I don't speak enough Korean to ask them.

Also, the fashion. Holy shit, it's like living in Brooklyn. A better dressed, somewhat poorly translated, Asian Brooklyn. For starters, the majority of Korean men are very slim. Being in the military for 21 months will get you in shape, and the low fat diet of rice, lean meat, seafood, coffee, and cigarettes will keep weight off. Generally speaking, this keeps the door wide open for any and all fashions. A guy with my build has a hard time pulling off skinny jeans because regular fit jeans fit like skinny jeans on me. There are a lot of slim fit pants of all colors. Also, the colored pants. If it's a color, it exists on Korean pants. Maroon? Sky blue? Mint green? That weird color gold? Creamsicle? You bet. All jeans, slacks, hell even capris. Yeah, dudes here wear capris, more on that later. I like the colored pants. I think they're goofy and when worn in coordination with the right shirt, the look is actually pretty good. The guys also regularly wear blazers to class. Not fancy with brass buttons, but an unfinished blazer, sometimes with strange pocket or collar fabric, and the occasional egregious number of buttons on the front or sleeves. Fashion's a weird weird world I cannot understand, but these Korean dudes get it. They also wear a lot of MLB and NBA gear, mainly from big teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, Lakers and Knicks. The other big draw is the MLB teams with Korean players. I'd be pretty jazzed if one of my fellow countrymen was internationally recruited to compete in the highest competitive level for a sport.

I'll admit, I've significantly stepped up my act when it comes to dressing for class. I usually wear jeans, a button down and a sweater. I ditch the sweater if it's warm, but I keep the shirt tucked in. I guess my dad's loved of tucked in shirts rubbed off on me. However, the high pants trophy is still his, and will be until I put my 4th kid through college. Then I have the right to do whatever I damn well please, like wear slippers to the store. (Hi pop). I rarely wear a T shirt, and if I do it's because I'm running late or am just running to the store to get some breakfast or hungover lunch. The 8AM Calc Recitation casual of a sweatshirt with no shirt underneath, sweatpants, and a pair of flip flops,  all hastily thrown on at 7:55AM is no longer a thing. I get up early for the sole purpose of looking good. It may seem shallow, but I'm just trying to blend in in the smallest way. It's even made me more confident when talking to others, despite being still below average in terms of Korean wardrobe class. I can't pull off the casual blazer over a t-shirt, nor can I pull off a vest. I can however pull off the colored pants. My Korean friends call them very Korean, but little do they know I got them at Kohl's. The less they know, the more I Kohl's.

Here's the part of Korean male culture that I really don't understand. I don't get the  femininity of it. Now I know that I'm no proverbial Gaston. I don't have biceps to spare, I don't use a spittoon and I only use antlers in most of my decorating. I also really fucking love Kakao Talk emoticons and have seen the Sex and the City movies. So yeah, some could say I'm in a glass house, so be it. I'm not hucking stones. I just really don't understand the lengths Korean dudes go through to look good by the Korean standard. Also, I don't understand platonic male hand holding. On a team it shows unity and family, but it's kind of weird when I see two dudes doing it on the street here in Korea because in a country so against homosexuality, I find it surprising that two dudes holding hands can fly. Not all Korean men are gay, but hand holding is a sign of affection here in Korea as well. Weird. Also, lots of guys dye and curl their hair. Yeah, I go to a salon to have my hair done back in America, but I don't get the foil in my hair, nor do I get bright pink curlers put into it. But the shampoo and massage beforehand are so nice... A lot of them. Brown, red, a few platinum blonde. I don't get it. I guess it's hard to stand out when everybody's hair is naturally black, but by american standards it's pretty girly unless you're going prematurely gray. Korean guys also really like tight fitting pants. No. Sorry, just no. Male Camel Toe is unacceptable across the globe. I don't want to see the outline of anybody's penis when they sit down. Nope. I can't abide by that style. I also can't abide by the hot pants and capris. Those are lady clothes or beach clothes or 70s basketball clothes. By hot pants I mean a pair of shorts that have less than a 7 inch inseam. And capris... just no. I can KIND OF understand the rolled jeans and crazy socks look because it's funny, but capris seem really feminine. Hell, there was a unisex section of clothing in a store I went to today. There were pants and shirts. That surprised me most. In America that would be called cross dressing, which is usually only accepted for Halloween or high school Spanish class video projects. But shit, this was a section written on the store map. I don't know why it kind of bothers me so much. It's not that they look better than me, most people in America already do and I don't get pissed at their clothing. When I objectify the situation,  I for sure sound like an enormous homophobe. I don't want to sound homophobic in this section, I very truly don't . I just can't help sounding like a 1960s PSA narrator who goes like "Here's Jimmy, who dresses like a good patriot ought to." I just want the guys here to stop being so shy and be more like the t-shirt wearing and hooting barbarians that I call my countrymen. I am sorry if I offended you, contact me if you were offended.